The Ideal Life: Why It’s So Distant
What would you say constitutes a joyful and ideal life? If you’re living in a weary western democracy, it probably means that you get to spend time with your friends and family, and enjoy your work.
But that’s a simplistic view that doesn’t get to the heart of the issue. It doesn’t touch your inner core, which is often intangible but it’s there.
But how so? ― I’m glad you asked.
Ego Isn’t Your Pal
In his profound book on the topic of ego, Ryan Holiday suggests throwing yours out the window every single time you feel it’s messing with your mind and emotions. He makes the case that egotism stands behind most of your slips and obstacles.
Before you get into a (verbal) fight over some BS or even if it’s something important, you feel it in your gut ― the urge to have the upper hand in any conversation. You must win, by all means necessary.
This is your ego prattling at you, advising you not to lose the battle. If you are defeated, then ego tends to fade away, and it doesn’t want to perish.
Think of it as your internal enemy who wishes you never feel you were stupid or wrong about anything. It turns you into a Complacency Monster who can’t control himself. You start avoiding criticism and declaring everyone who denounces your behavior as an archnemesis.
Too often, convinced of our own intelligence, we stay in a comfort zone that ensures that we never feel stupid (and are never challenged to learn or reconsider what we know).
Ryan Holiday
So what’s the conclusion of all this?
Allow yourself to feel everything, because, in the end, feelings are just that ― sensations in your body that come and go, similar to thoughts. Do you remember what you were thinking about three weeks ago around 5p.m?
If you aren’t an advanced civilization from another galaxy, your answer should be no.
If not, then humans are genuinely fucked and you’ll conquer us for good, take our women as slaves and turn the men into enormous dildos… wait, what?
You Are the Best
Your ego sees only the best of you and insists on your actions being validated. It is deaf to your shortcomings and mistakes, which is why it’s a killer of any improvement in your life, and a hindrance for the ideal life.
As the quote goes: “Vain men never hear anything but praise.”
It’s so darn tempting to always want to hear people talking about your best work, personal and professional skills, how you nailed that project and made it to the top on your own. Except you didn’t, regardless of what your ego is whispering into your ear.
It’s blinding you from seeing any flaws of yours and brutally hyping you for positive feedback, more applause, and flattery. It wants you to be the ruler of the world and not the good kind.
No one is immune to the ego but the least you can do is to notice when it emerges and stop it in its tracks like your ideal life depends on it. Because it does.
Being Dead and Alive: The Ideal Life
In the words of Robert Greene, there are two types of time in our lives: dead time and alive time.
Dead time applies to the period when we’re passive and waiting, while alive time is when we’re acting and learning and utilizing every second. Which group do you want to be in?
It’s always easier to watch Netflix 5 hours a day, but then you’re a member of the dead-time society, and we won’t make good friends at all. In fact, I might stalk you and arrange your sudden disappearance. Kidding, just checking if you’ve made it this far.
Solely beating up your ego and subscribing to the Alive Team concept won’t suffice if you want to truly make your life worthwhile, so let’s turn to a different book for that.
In his landmark work titled How to Fail at Almost Everything and Still Win Big, Scott Adams talks about three things that anyone can do to increase their chances for success and luck.
Disown your fear of embarrassment
Visualize yourself standing in front of a large audience, preparing for a 3-minute talk. As it can seem like a lifetime, your mind is rushing, your emotions are ripping your gut apart, and you can’t remember the words. Any words.
This happened to me once and I was terrified, just laughing politely and sweating like hell.
It was the best lesson of my life. I allowed myself to feel embarrassed in front of my colleagues, friends, town folks, and recognize that it isn’t that bad. It’s a tragedy but the good kind.
Get proper education
It’s not “formal” but proper education. I know a bunch of people who are masters of their craft without having any formal schooling. I admire those people. They earn 5 times more than many of those with a degree.
We don’t live in caves anymore. Or most of us don’t. So, now you can educate yourself via platforms like Skillshare or Khan Academy while paying next to nothing.
Exercise regularly
Something like two years ago I started taking daily runs. I didn’t get sick once in that period and I feel like my mental and physical abilities are closest to my optimal capacity. Everyone can do a 10-minute exercise each day.
To those who don’t have the time for it: Think of it like going to the can. Make it mandatory. Would you take a leak or defecate in your pants because you didn’t have the time? I sure hope not.
Come to think of it, it would kill your ego instantly. Not that bad after all.
- Are People Good, Bad, or Somewhere in Between?
The father of modern psychology, Sigmund Freud, asserted that we are “nothing but a band of murderers.” Was he right? Or are people good by nature? - Live Comfortably with the Pro-Discomfort TechniqueWhen was the last time you plowed through a discomfortable situation? Did you befriend your discomfort or throw it out the window? Well, whatever your ache, I may have the cure.
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